Friday, April 1, 2011

How to protect your husband from women flirting at him

What is flirting?

Flirting for some people comes natural. It is one of the ways they communicate.They learned early in their lives how to use these behaviors, and they have become second nature.
Flirting is not something limited to either men only or women only. Flirting occurs across ages, gender, cultures, ethnicity, and religious groups. Although there are cultural differences in what constitutes flirting, the behavior of flirting is universal. Although flirting is natural, knowing the difference between innocent and dangerous flirting can keep the flirting from becoming a mating dance or fertility ritual.
A handsome man often attracts flirting responses from surrounding females. Although a majority of the flirting gestures may have innocent intentions, there is always a potential for the relationship to turn into something more serious. Learning how to tell the difference between innocent flirting and potentially dangerous flirting can help avert potentially dangerous situations.
Innocent Flirting
Some women choose to use flirting as their primary way of dealing with men. Flirting often involves a series of non-verbal gestures directed at the man. They may be a simple as a glance or changes in their tone of voice. As with many forms of communication, if the flirting message is ignored by your husband, flirting dissipates.
It is when your husband acknowledges or feeds into the flirting that it continues. It is also important to consider the cultural context of the ‘flirting’. In some parts of the country, waitresses often use terms like ‘handsome’ or ‘sweetie’ as part of their natural routine. Those terms are their way of 'schmoozing' with the customers. When the waitress uses the terms in the context of her duties, they often make for dealing with the public to run smoothly. When such terms are combined with other flirting gestures, then there is some need for concern. There is added concern when those gestures are directed exclusively to your husband.

Some of the innocent non-verbal signals include:
  1. Overly sweet or syrupy tone of voice
  2. Tilting of the head when they speak.
  3. Giving an affirmative look.
  4. Nodding the head.
5. Leaning toward the person.
6. Touching of the hair when they speak

Dangerous Flirting

When flirting goes from eliciting acknowledgments of attractiveness to seductive gestures, there is cause for concern.When a woman begins praising sexuality rather than attractiveness, the flirting has crossed a line into seductiveness.
Dangerous flirting starts to occur when the other woman's' talk becomes ‘sexualized’ or filled with double-meanings that could have sexual overtones directed at your husband. When such changes occur, there is a definite change in the relationship from innocent to intentional. Such behaviors typically occur when the your husband has acknowledged and replied to the innocent signals. The relationship is then being taken to the 'next level'.

Besides changes in what is talked about, there are also behavioral signs that the flirting has become more serious. Instead of a passing glance, there is a deliberate focusing of attention on your husband. There may be a purchasing of drinks. Each drink purchased raises the possibility of danger to a greater degree. There may also be ‘preening gestures’.

Preening gestures are those behaviors where a person is actively communicating that they are making themselves look good for their flirting playmate. In this case, their selected playmate is your spouse. This includes brushing the clothes, touching the hair with their hand and more tossing of the head when talking to or looking at the other person.They may even move closer to your husband, and lean forward whenever he speaks.

When the touching advances from ‘preening’ to stroking arms, legs or face, the flirting has reached a dangerous level. The flirting is definitely in the RED ZONE. The danger is intense when the touching has sexual connotations to it. Such actions send the message-“I want to do this to you!” A gesture that often occurs in this class of action is the pursing and licking of the lips. This is accentuated when the flirter caresses their drink or cigarette in a slow suggestive manner.

The flirting is definitely overheated when the flirting signals include overtly sexual gesturing. When the flirter begins pointing to highlighting or displaying the sexual aspects of their body, you are in the danger zone. This includes a shifting of the hips, hiking up their dress, bending over to expose cleavage or undoing buttons on their blouse. The danger is intense if the husband responds and begins shifting his body to appear more muscular and drawing attention to their physical attributes.

Dealing with Flirting

In dealing with someone flirting with your man, prevention is always preferred to trying to deal with it when it has become dangerous.
The best way of dealing with it is to ignore it and to encourage your husband to ignore it as well. When the signals are ignored, they often diminish. When they are acknowledged in either a positive or negative manner, they may continue.

If your husband is a habitual flirter, it may be necessary to have him use caution in wherever he goes. He needs to know where to draw the line between flirting and seduction. If he can not draw the line between flirting and seduction, he may need to avoid restaurants, clubs, and gathering places that are high risk. They may need to stay in groups in order to diminish the possibility of flirting behavior getting out of hand.

When you need to intervene, block or break the eye contact between the husband and the flirter. If blocking the flirter does not work, you may need to change your seat, change the topic of conversation or even leave with him where you are at.You may even want to do something to distract him. This would include sudden things that take his attention from the woman flirting with him.
If you ignore the flirting, but your husband plays along, you are in a two against one situation. You will want to have a clear idea of where you draw your boundaries and stick with them. Some wives are not bothered by innocent flirting.

One of the concerns about flirting that is rarely discussed is the attitude of the husband. When he goes into public places looking for something, he will often find it. When men have wandering eyes, they see things. Those with 'wandering eyes' often pick up on the seductive signals, even when they are subtle.They instinctively know what the signals mean. When they are overwhelmed by the signals, their urges and instincts become aroused. Once the instincts and urges are aroused, they run the risk of 'giving into them'. At that point, many men find that they are reacting, rather than making conscious choices.
If your husband is disgruntled with you, there will be some added risk. The grass often looks greener elsewhere. When their eyes, heart and mind are focused on their wives, there is no fertile ground for the flirting to take root. When you husband is disgruntled, his eyes, heart and mind are looking elsewhere rather than to you.
Instead of the risk of loosing your husband to the seductive flirting, take steps to keep their attention focused on you.

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